As humans, we are designed to live in a community.  This is one of the reasons we are so wired to nurture relationships, especially when it comes to finding our soulmate, that particular person who will make you feel like a “million dollars.” The longing for relationships, romantic relationships, is also hard-wired into our system to ensure the preservation and reproduction of our species.

As you can see, having that special connection with someone is a biological and spiritual need that we must fulfill. Therefore, finding that “special” person, in the majority of cases, becomes the most important and critical decision you will ever make.

However, because of that biological and natural inclination to find a mate, sometimes we don’t take the time to get to know each other well enough, and we end up missing some critical red flags.

Most of the time, people will ignore the symptoms that something is not working because a routine is easy to follow, which gives us a false sense of safety and control.

This might not be your case. However, couples are indeed feeling the effect of COVID-19 in different ways. While working with my clients during this pandemic, many have expressed how a very “casual” and otherwise “normal” conversation might turn into a big argument.

And this is predictable because you now have the time to notice things that may not bother you in the past. Small things one might over look or usually wouldn’t argue about are becoming triggers because of the additional stress, fear and under lying anxiety brought on by this unprecedented situation.

You feel stuck and you may be thinking that you are now with someone who is not even capable of understanding your needs.  These are the harmful effects of COVID-19 as it is takes over your relationship, and you may feel like you can’t stop it.

First, we must understand how the brain works to find a solution.

The negative effects in our mind are produced and enhanced because of the tendency of the mind to focus and respond strongly to negative events and experiences. We are wired for survival, and so every time we feel threatened, we get triggered, creating a range of different emotional states, from anger, to stress, anxiety, sadness, and so on.  You might even experience a feeling of loneliness, even when your partner is right there next to you.

 In times of crisis, usually unhealthy behavior will be triggered as we feel unsafe and out of control.

The quarantine and isolation will usually trigger two types of scenarios depending on how stable and strong your relationship truly is:

• The first one could be that the couple becomes closer, and the relationship becomes stronger as they find ways to manage and navigate the uncertainties together using healthy tools.        Note: Please do not have false expectations if you are already struggling with your relationship under “normal” circumstances.

• The other scenario could be that you drift apart as the fear caused by uncertainties will trigger the worse in you, and in your partner.

The question is obvious, would this be the time to end a relationship? Or, is it worth fighting for it?

As a global community, we are all suffering from the stressful effects of COVID-19, which will affect our emotional and mental states. As mentioned before, when we feel threatened, we tend to become irrational. Therefore, our ability to think clearly and objectively is impacted.       

Depending on your particular situation, you might want to take a step back and avoid making impulsive decisions unless your health is in danger. You might want to hire a professional to help you understand what’s going on objectively.

I know it’s easier said than done, but I am here to offer you:

2) Stop Pretending that things are “ok”: If you are having challenges now, it is very probable that you had known for a while that something is not working in the relationship. You chose to ignore it because you are afraid of the consequences. Either because you are still in love, you are scared of change, or you are just afraid to let go. However, pretending that everything is ok does not help. Instead, it makes things worse because you are expecting the other person to behave differently without having the proper tools to improve and change the situation.

When we don’t fulfill these needs in healthy ways, we’ll fulfill them in destructive ways. If you don’t understand and know these needs and how you are currently meeting them, then your emotional, mental, and spiritual states will be affected. Right now, you and your partner might have different needs, which can create chaos when you don’t understand them. Becoming aware of these subconscious needs is vital. During my couple coaching sessions, the first thing we will perform, is a human needs assessment, so that you become clear on what’s missing, what’s triggering you or your partner, communication style, fears, and expectations. Also, it is a great tool to understand your partner’s needs, and where he/she is coming from so that we can find solutions.

Other people are finding that sex is just the right antidote to stress. As we know, sex can become a great stress reliever. Studies show that people who have an active sexual life develop a stronger immune system to fight against viruses, germs, and other intruders. The most important thing is to acknowledge your feelings since there is no right or wrong way to handle these interesting times.